


Zero to One

by orphan_account



Category: Penn Zero: Part-Time Hero
Genre: Brot3 but it doesn't matter everything hurts, Draw your own conclusions, Feels, Gen, Heavy Angst, PZPTH GOT FUCKED OVER BY DISNEY AND I BLAME MYSELF, RIP, SO I VENT, Self-Hatred, TERRIBLE AWFUL DRABBLE, i am a wreck, im so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2016-07-19
Packaged: 2018-07-25 11:19:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7530694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vent drabble about my self-deprication for not being a loyal enough fan to PZPTH and also because my heart hurts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Zero to One

**Author's Note:**

> Don't read this.
> 
> Don't.

He could hear a wheeze come up through his chest. A cough, a heave, and a sob. The smoke burned his eyes but he couldn't close them and pretend the scene in front of him was just a nightmare.

It was stinging with the tears on his cheeks, intermingling with soot and ash blown into his face.

The destructive heat making him feverish in the chilly air of a Spring night. Maybe he'd catch pneumonia.

Why did it have to be like this?

It was _never_ supposed to be like this.

He should have done something.

He _could_ have done something.

Anything.

Tried... _harder._

Said... _something._

It was too late and it was his fault and there was nothing he could do now.

Regret making his shoulders heavy and his knees quake. Grief making orange flame turn black and gray.

He wanted to hide.

To let out every emotion flowing through him. To rage and sob and feel sorry for himself. To be able to feel sorry for himself, but he couldn't.

He felt disgusted. He felt betrayed. He felt as if he had hit a low too far to be recovered from, an unforgivable offense, a merciless sin.

  * Family, 
  * Life, 
  * Parents, 
  * Friends, 
  * Responsibilities, even
  * Love.



He had used them in the worst way. He had abused them in the worst ways.

He had done something inexcusable. And now he had lost it all. He didn't deserve sympathy or empathy or forgiveness.

He didn't deserve the way Phyllis had said repeatedly " _is better this way._ " to pacify his aguish.

How she could brave a face as the Odyssey burned.

> "Is better this way."

She was wrong. She was hiding how much it hurt. And he was tried of it, he was tried of pretending he hadn't committed something treasonous.

All the well meaning words in the world were not going to make him feel any less like the scum of the earth.

He was angry, angry at circumstance, angry at the existence of evil, angry at himself.

He had ruined everything, and was past redemption.

How could he have been so blind and reckless?

How could he have cared so little?

His hands clenched into fists at his sides, squeezing so hard to stop the circulation. He deserved any pain.

He didn't notice at first the surprisingly gentle grasp of his right hand, slowly peeling back the fingers to slip a small hand inside.

Nor something similar happening to his left hand by another pair of hands, slightly larger.

He didn't notice the soft but labored breathing to the right of him.

The spent and ragged puffs to the left.

Three united in a chain of hands clasped.

In grief and solidarity. Silently comforting one another when words could not.

They didn't hate him, but that didn't mean he didn't hate himself.

> "I guess I'm Penn One now."

He said softly.

> " _There's no other Zeros left anyway."_

**Author's Note:**

> I told you.


End file.
